Figured. I mean, after telling him, everything's been all awkward. Maybe it's for the best. But no matter how many times I try to just forget, I can't. He's been gone for a few days. Which is good. Gives me some time to think.
The thing is, what I did was wrong. We barely know each other. I'm not the typical girl he likes. Me just plainly confessing scared him. He's shy. He doesn't know what to expect.
I'm deciding to just forget it. Let me keep my love for him to myself. This way should be for the best.
To put it in simpler words, I'm running from my feelings. Sorry feelings. You're too scary. If I can't control you, I will avoid you. I'm a coward. I'm running from reality. I've been so distracted lately. I'm just tired. Sometimes I want to talk about it. But when I'm at school, I have to wear my mask. I can't even discover who I am. I lost myself. "How can you find yourself when you've lost yourself for too long?" I am tired. I'm tired of everything. I don't want to care anymore.
I want to go to somewhere far away. Start over. Everything's going to fast. In a few years, I'll be out of high school in being thrown into the real world. I'm not ready. I want to go back to elementary school, back to when boys could be your best friends and won't have anything to do with love. Back when girls still thinks boys have cooties. Back to the old days when nothing really mattered except if your crayon broke. Back to the days when your closest friends were your real friends, not posers. Back in those days...
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