Back on Track and back in school

I've decided there's TOO many good songs out there that not a lot of people know about. So, I'll be coming up w/ song of the day. Which will have the song title, author, and the link to it. ;) Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Anyway, I'm back in school after a week off. It's pretty sweet, because there's not a lot of hw, and I have everything done. So I'm all caught up.

We're watching a movie in English, which is awesome.

Okay, I'm kinda getting off track here. Song of the day shall be..

Seon
The Love I Cannot Send
Click HERE to listen

It's my bedtime. O.O Nighty night.

Thanksgiving Break

Whoo. It's already the third day on my week long break. -sigh- If only it was longer...anyways, I've devoted my time doing unimportant things like...
watch dramas online
work on my site
open my new mp3
doing miscellaneous things

Yeah, a great way to spend time. And because it's not a school week, I haven't even bothered changing the weeklies. Which is not good, but who cares?

I still have yet to figure out how to use my mp3. I'm going to keep trying. It's really complicated...because I can put movies and others in it and all.

I have a lot to do. Extra credit for English - review on A Midsummer Night's Dream play. Movie reviews for Doubting Thomas and Superhero Movie.

I also have to make dessert for Thanksgiving tomorrow, a lot of things to do. And I still have to clean and organize. SO MUCH TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enough of me complaining. I'ma going to start working. Laters! <3

Week 13 - New Week - MORE Problems?

Week 13 as a sophomore. A million more weeks to endure. Next week, we'll have the week off. Which is great because I really need it.

However, right now, I have many problems. Tomorrow I have a chem test. Wednesday a EC math quiz. I also have a house floor plan due. One of my friends for some reason is ignoring me. I don't know why. Uh...I've been kind of eluded the whole day. And yeah. It's been great.

I don't know what's going on and I don't want to know. I've been too nosy, too rash, and it's ruining me. I don't know what to do anymore. Today in English, I totally just BSed an rough draft essay. I didn't have anything prepared. In photo, I have a rotation due tomorrow, but it can be through Friday. I haven't started basically. The music on this blog is being stutter-y. Everything and everyone hates me. Oh well. I'll live.

Friday the 13th's bad luck didn't hit me on Friday. I was having a great time. Cold, but still fun. It turns out it'll drag to Monday. Whoo hoo.

I'm SO tired of everything. I'm not even going to try to find out because I know she won't tell me. I asked her how she was this morning and all she said was "I'm fine." So, basically I just got pushed away. Fine. If she wants to be like that. Let her.

Found out what happened with the helicopter. So apparently, three carjackers carjacked a Chevrolet and went in my direction. One of the them, a 16-year-old teen boy, appeared to be armed. He wouldn't show the police what he had. He made a sudden movement and he was shot and he's dead. The other two has yet to be found.

The police started at 6:15pm searching for the other two escapees. They called off the search at 10:15pm and decided to come again tomorrow. They still haven't been found.

Today's been tiring. I'm supposed to be doing homework, but I really want to let out my thoughts. I didn't want anyone I know to read this. So I'm letting this here, where basically no one knows. =\ Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Bye for now.

Helicopter - Convict?

There's this helicopter flying over my house. It has been going on for the past 2 hours. I think they are trying to find someone because it's flying in circles w/ the big search light. I heard that there's a runaway convict near where I live. Better lock the doors tight! =D
More new updates about the runaway - will update ASAP. Thanks for reading! =P

Song:
[To the tune of Pop Goes The Weasel]

Round and round above my house, the coptor shines its bright lights, I don't know what they're searching for, but I hope they do it riiiiight~

I made that up while listening to the coptor rumble. =D Aren't I a genius.

Boys Are Confusing

I will never understand them. First of all, the boy I confessed to? He has been ignoring me...POINTEDLY ignoring me. =P I don't care anymore.

Second of all, this TA in one of my classes is making this big deal out of the <3 I put in a chat w/ him. I didn't mean anything. I thought it was pretty to put it there. I mean, I do that do ALL my friends. Jeex. And then he says to me: Be honest.

Does he think I like him? *growls* I'm so confused.

I give up. I can never understand them and no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to do that. *sigh* Oh well.

Backing Off...to those days

Figured. I mean, after telling him, everything's been all awkward. Maybe it's for the best. But no matter how many times I try to just forget, I can't. He's been gone for a few days. Which is good. Gives me some time to think.

The thing is, what I did was wrong. We barely know each other. I'm not the typical girl he likes. Me just plainly confessing scared him. He's shy. He doesn't know what to expect.

I'm deciding to just forget it. Let me keep my love for him to myself. This way should be for the best.

To put it in simpler words, I'm running from my feelings. Sorry feelings. You're too scary. If I can't control you, I will avoid you. I'm a coward. I'm running from reality. I've been so distracted lately. I'm just tired. Sometimes I want to talk about it. But when I'm at school, I have to wear my mask. I can't even discover who I am. I lost myself. "How can you find yourself when you've lost yourself for too long?" I am tired. I'm tired of everything. I don't want to care anymore.

I want to go to somewhere far away. Start over. Everything's going to fast. In a few years, I'll be out of high school in being thrown into the real world. I'm not ready. I want to go back to elementary school, back to when boys could be your best friends and won't have anything to do with love. Back when girls still thinks boys have cooties. Back to the old days when nothing really mattered except if your crayon broke. Back to the days when your closest friends were your real friends, not posers. Back in those days...

Just Confessed

I have just confessed to him. He didn't respond. I don't mind. I feel better that I confessed. But I don't want him to feel awkward around me.

See, the thing is, I didn't really realize that I liked him. And somehow, it just came out. And he already has a crush. I feel that confessing to him ruined his chances w/ this other person. If they do get together, I will wish them happiness.

I don't want him to be unhappy. Sometimes, if you really really love someone, you've got to let them go. "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, then it is yours forever. If not, then it was not meant to be." But the thing is, right now, I'm so confused. I don't know what to do.

I wished I didn't confess. Things will turn really awkward. But what am I supposed to do? Keep it all it? I can't. Not w/ all the other things I'm keeping myself. It's too hard. It's too painful...what am I supposed to do?

Just Listen

I think I like this guy in my class. But the thing is, I don't know. Crazy isn't it. I don't know if I like him, yet I think I do. I'm just so confused.

This is driving me crazy. Maybe I should drop love all together. After all, I'm basically psychotic. What guy in their right mind would like me?

I don't know what to do anymore. I get so distracted. I need to get my act together. Maybe I would find my Prince Charming someday.

I've had crushes before. I'm not shy about admitting that Mikey's my first crush. But the thing is, I don't expect them to respond. I do my own thing. I like having a crush, looking forward to see them at school and everything. But I don't want a serious relationship. At least not yet.

It's easier if we remained friends. So much chaotic and dramatic stuff happens to my friends who've dated. They've been hurt. They've CRIED over guys. They ditch their friends for the boys. I don't want to be like that. I want to stay true to myself. I'm not about to change who I am for some boy. True, for a relationship to work, both sides have to change a bit. But not now. I'm still young. I don't want to go through all that hurt because I know that if I do, it will take a long time for me to recover.

I love my friends to death. It hurts me to see their boyfriends hurt them that way, knowing I can't do anything for them.

One of my friends keep on saying that they want to have a boyfriend. I keep on telling them no. But what can I do? I don't control them. A lot of things have been going on. But I don't tell them. Why? Because I don't want them to worry. I don't want to become a burden.

Some people think they know me. But the truth is, they don't. They act all high and mighty, all arrogant. But they don't know. They don't know my past. They know who I choose to show them. I am not who I seem. My friends see me as a fun-loving, playful girl. That I only love dogs. That I don't care about anything else. That I am very childish. They don't know me. Those who see me like that, don't know me at all. That's the person I choose to show them. I can be shy, I can be bold. It all really depends on who I choose to show them.

In all those books about high school drama and all, I never believed that there was such a thing. But now, I do. High school FILLED with drama. I've tried to avoid it. And it comes sitting on my doorstep. She's new at the school, but she doesn't act like it. I feel that she uses us to climb to the top of the social ladder. She's pretending to go out with another friend of mines to draw attention. They find it funny, but for a lot of us, it's getting old. I can't stand it. It's really bothering me. I like them both, but sometimes, there's a line to things. And for her, she can't see it. She can't feel the line. She crosses it over and over. We act like we don't care because we don't want to hurt her. But for us, it's painful. For me, I feeling so much pressure. I act like I don't care. I really don't care about anything anymore. I don't care if I fail or succeed. This is too much. I can't see straight anymore.

What is going on with my life? I've been losing control. I've been losing my grip so so much. I snap at my friends. I deliberately yell at the guy I like. My once well controlled self, is now slowly slipping away. I want it back. I NEED it back. I cannot possible ACT normal. Act like myself anymore. This is too much. I want to leave. I want to be as far as I can away from her and the drama. I'm not saying I hate her. I'm just tired. Tired of everything and everyone. I want someone I can talk to, someone that can just sit and listen. All my girl friends will try to comfort me. Some guy friends don't care. Other guys, I'm just not that close to them. For me to continue on w/ my life, I will need a listener. Someone who can sit and just listen.