Have there ever been a time when all you wanted to do is wish you did something else? The "What if...?" after a bad situation...Though it might not always be bad.
But most of the time, the what ifs? are the ones you wish you did do. Like "What if we left earlier? Then she wouldn't have died." Regrets. Sadness. Guilt. All those are part of the what ifs.
Why is it that most of the time, the ones you don't really realize you treasure and will miss be gone first? I didn't realize how much she was to us until she went away.
I really wish I spent more time with her. That I didn't tease her that much. That I actually took care of her. That we gave her love that she wanted so much. The way she was left us...was unimaginable.
What if we arrived to the hospital earlier? What if we left to the courts instead of eating a bite first? What if we didn't even go outside? What if...what if...
They tell me it was meant to be. That she knew her time was up. But still, I'd rather her go peacefully. Not the way she did. What if I left before this happened? What if...
They tell me it's not my fault. That I couldn't have prevented this from happening. But I know I could've. I could've held her. I could've kept her inside. I could've...But I didn't. And guess what? Now she's gone.
The thing is, I still can't register that she's gone forever. Not just temporary. I'll never seen her again. Never hear her greet us. Never see her smiling face and wriggling body. Never again...
Sabrina, rest in peace. We'll miss you. I hope that in your next life, you'll be much happier. And be loved more than you were loved here. We miss you. R.I.P
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