Gosh, the title makes me feel so old. But lately, there are some songs that reminded me of my childhood days and the difference it is between the childhood and teenage life. SO different.
Blue Tomorrow by Super Junior M is a GREAT song that made me think of how much I've changed since I was...5. Back then, all the music I heard was from the radio. Not so much time on the internet. Behind the Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson was my favorite song. Still is. Hilary Duff from Lizzie Mcguire. All those were part of my childhood.
The days when all I worried about was whether or not I had a good dinner. When all I cared about was Sunny. I didn't care what others thought of me. I didn't worry about homework and my future.
But as the days come quicker, years go by faster, and my future charging forward to meet me head to head, I start getting scared. I don't want to grow up this quickly. Half my friends already have SOME idea of what they want to do once they graduate. Me? I'm still clueless.
I want to try EVERYTHING. But things don't happen that way. "How many ten years are there in a lifetime?" Not enough.
Things fall apart. My friends, they're still "friends". But if you look closely, you can see that we aren't as closely knit as before. My music, my favorite bands. Super Junior - Hangeng left. Kibum's missing. Kangin's halfway in jail. DBSK - three members are set on leaving. And Fahrenheit, my first band, my inspiration, the one who led me onto this Kpop scene. Is both at fault and is not. Fault? My life is falling apart b/c I'm in this Kpop scene. I'm so ADDICTED to all this, I'm losing who I am inside. But Fahrenheit helped me connect to my roots. I learned their songs. Listened to the language. It helped me improve my Chinese.
But all this troubles, is it just me feeling it? I've tried MANY ways to help my friends remend our broken link. It's fallen onto death ears. We're all just sitting there, but we don't have that closeness anymore. I don't know who I am anymore either. I'm just another person, one who everyone finds adorable and amusing, but that's not exactly who I am. But because it's like that, I can't change. I act different, people ask me if something's wrong. I say nothing, they don't believe me.
I start seeing things different. I see everyone's flaws instead of their good traits. I cannot concentrate on anything anymore. I'm SO obsessed with this blogging. With this connection with people I've never even seen and don't even know. I'm ignoring everyone beside me. I'm glued to the computer.
When I was young, this never happened. But what now? Because of all the troubles OUTSIDE, in the real world, my mind turns to intangible things. To keep my mind off the mess I've created, to distract myself from reality. I'm not facing it. I have big dreams. But they're never completed. My stories? My fanfics? My site? It's all dying. Slowly. Because I'm so obsessed with keeping up with the race to the Kpop criminal scene. To all the first news. From now on, I'm going to back away.
Blogging, I'm going to keep. Reading about Kpop news, I'm going to cut back. Watching kpop shows, I'm going to stop. But who knows? I've fallen into such a habit that it's basically IMPOSSIBLE to stop.
I've quit Facebook. Maybe I can do the same with my addiction to Kpop. If it happens, the things I've worked so hard to build will be gone. What is this? 人生有幾多的十年啊？我應該做我想做的事吧．可是每次我說我要做，我都沒有哦．
如過我可以變成以前一樣，也留者我現在的我，那就會變得最好．大家，這應該我最後的entry. 可是我知道我會回來的。如過我不回來，那就是再見了。
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