New Beginning, New Life

It's a brand new year. A brand new day. New things mean new beginnings. New beginnings...this means to change my way of life.

 

To be truthful, I've posted a lot of drafts for new posts...but I have never gotten around to finishing it. I think that maybe, I might not want to blog on this blog anymore; it's a thing of the past. I've grown up so much since last year. I've been through a lot and I've matured a lot. I not longer try to hold on to the past. I've truly let it go. Whatever happens will happen. The more I tried to hold on, tried to maintain it in my memories, the more unhappy I became. I was in a hole and I tried to keep on digging...it only got me deeper. I couldn't get out.

Finally Free

You know that feeling when you simply don't care anymore? Not the "giving up" feeling, but the one where everything can just happen and it won't affect you. At least, it won't affect you emotionally.

That's when you are finally free. Free of what, it doesn't matter. You can be free of school work, free of drama, free to do whatever you want. It doesn't matter what you are free of, as long as you are free. That is when you truly start living.

I was looking through old text messages and letters from an old flame of mine and that was when I realized...I just didn't care what it had to say. I was able to extract myself from the emotional mess of a circle I've been in for the past many months and finally see the world clear for the first time. That feeling...it was powerful. It was empowering. I was in control of myself. I was in control.

No more emotional rollercoasters for me. No more sudden mood swings, little things that reminded me of him. I deleted all messages. I erased his existence from my phone. From my computer. From my life. That feeling was amazing.

Done

It's been over a month already. Done with high school; I am officially a graduate. That feeling is just so awesome. It really is.

It's also been a long time since the whole boy and best friend thing. My last blog post was about that; it's done with and gone now. Onto the next chapter in life. New start, new project.

It's about time I've done something fun, something for myself only. I got an amazing grad and 18th birthday present from my family, a gorgeous Nikon d5100. Now that is my baby. Thing is, where should I take photos? What should I take them of? I've had an online portfolio of some of my works for some time, but other than that, all I have is junk on my desktop that I have yet to clean up. Trust me, it's a mess.

we fall, we get up, it goes on....

We are weak. We are strong. We fall, we get up. We get down, we get happy. In the end, life still goes on.

It still hurts sometimes. To be honest, it hurts a lot still. Sometimes, I just get so tired, so exhausted from fighting. Worn out from trying to be strong, from pretending, from acting like everything is okay.

Moving On

Friends. Boys. Friends. Boys. Friends. Boy. Friend. Boy. Boy. Friend.

I woke up this morning, having Sara Evans' song, A Little Bit Stronger, playing through my head.
"Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain..."

But I knew I was moving on over him. Broken hearts, broken friendship, just plain broken in general.
I loved you. I really did. I still do. Whatever happens, you will always have a special place in my heart. But now we have established a middle ground; we are going to be the best of friends. It hurts still, knowing you are gone, that you don't love me anymore...but it is all going to be okay.

I love you, good bye.

Opening up to someone is depending on someone else, letting them into your life, allowing them to know your secrets. Since a child, I have always been taught to be independent, that I don't need to depend on anyone else but myself. That was how I always functioned; I dealt with problems by myself and I was secure. I was protected.

Until I met you...you taught me how to love.

You got me to open my heart, let my walls down. I let you in. I showed you my world, my insecurities, my fears. You were my everything. I could tell you anything and everything I wanted because I know you would always be there for me.

Sleep Forever

Don't you ever feel that way? That you just want to sleep forever, letting everything go. Or, just drop everything and leave? Never looking back, never reminiscing, just letting it all go. You never have to worry about a thing again.
It will be peaceful. Quiet. Calm.

All the pain and worries will be gone. Never will tears fall because of someone. Never will angry words be exchanged. Troubles will disappear. Everything will be fine.

But is that what I really want? I spend hours thinking about him, dreaming about what could be, when in reality, I know it is not
possible.

A New Beginning

Seneca once said, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." As a second semester senior, I have already experienced the beginning of an end: my high school career. In less than half a year, I will be graduating from high school. I will be moving onto a new stage in life, something more real.

Doesn't that scare you sometimes? You cannot control how fast life is going, yet you cannot stay in the same place either. Either you keep on going or you will get left behind. In the end, it all comes down to one thing: Are you willing to go for what you believe in? Or do you just want the easy way out?

Personally, I would hit every obstacle I ever come to right in the face. I have long learned one thing: things end because new things are starting. It may end forever, but the times you have had are ones that you will never forget. Live in the present. Look forward. Remember the past, but don't dwell there.

The Things We Carry

A dark mass moves in unison as a noise erupts from the eerie silence. It gathers in rows and moves in a formation, parts of it going up, parts of it going down. In less than five minutes, the dark mass separates into individual particles, each going in a separate place. Each day, every fifty-five minutes, this switch happens. For one hundred and eighty days a year, for four years, twelve years in total.

They called us teenagers and students. But really, we were more like soldiers.

Don't Censor Us!

I want all my readers to do one thing: go on Google and search up something, something like Criminal Minds (I am obsessed with that show) and choose the Wikipedia option.

Dun dun~ blackout. Boom.


SOPA is going to restrict our freedom. Think China. That's what Congress wants to do to us. Americans will lose one of the most sacred and most treasured right that we have long had.

If restricting our internet use is the first step, what's next? Freedom, liberty, justice. If we let SOPA and PIPA pass, our freedom of speech will basically be revoked. Congress say they are only respecting the copyright owners.

The question is: is that what it really will do? Or will SOPA cause censorship in America's most basic right, which is the freedom of speech? Think that over. Think carefully. Because if not, then well, we might all just pack our bags and move to China. Cheers.

Music Video

Short snippet today, just a quick update; my first music video is now completed. Five hours of movie editing, six hours of audio editing, 11 hours total. Two days. Four hours of sleep on Wednesday, three hours on Thursday. I now look like a raccoon. And act like a chimpanzee. Think screaming, yelling, going crazy monkey with means of weapons and such.
JK :D Well, not totally, because some stuff are real. Like my lack of sleep and looking like a raccoon. But in general, I am just really proud of myself. Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=nvICCCyaHDw

Last Day of School This Year

Guess what? :) Yup, it's the last day of the school this year! Yay!...I still have another six months left. But at the same time, it's very exciting. I'm starting my own movie, music video, and other things that I can't wait to go through with.

Today was a nice day. I got to spend it with my favorite people and it was really sweet. Although I didn't get too much done, I did get a critical shot for my movie in; that compensated for my lack of productivity for the past few days. Maybe weeks...months? I don't know. I just don't feel up to it anymore.

Anyway, thanks to special someone, that shot is done and can be put in the trailer. I am very excited about and cannot wait to be done because it is awesome. But I must do Christmas shopping and gifts as I have not done them yet. Clean my room, my desk, my computer, my life, everything. I am honestly a mess. Once I get myself cleaned up, I can wipe my slate clean and start afresh in the coming New Year.

Good night and sweet dreams; I am going to start a dream journal now. Toodles.

What has our world become?

I remember in childhood, everything was amazing. Life was easy. Nothing was troubling, unless you forgot your lunch at home or something.

But as you grow older, you realize how messed up this world is. Honestly, we are one messed up civilization. If you believe that animals are cannibals or if they eat each other, it's messed up, think again.

I would rather be eaten by my father (some lions eat their babies) than live through what many young teenagers go through.
I see friends, classmates, people I do not know, go through emotional suffering and abuse. That alone can kill anyone faster than any bacteria.

What makes us different from other animals is our compassion, our love, our affection, all which are more emotional than any other species that we know of. Yet we use that to our advantage, to hurt, to destroy others. Why do we do this?

Does it not make you want to cry when you see something like this happen? Why can we not see what monsters we have become? We laugh when someone else is the one being bullied. We giggle and make rude comments behind their backs. But in turn, what if it is us who are the victim? How will that work out? What would we feel?

Do you know what it means to be the one being hurt? The one who you have no one to talk to, no one to love, no one to care about? No one who cares about you? It hurts. And that destroys us. Destroys many of us.

I am going to start taking a stand. Stop what we have become. It is not too late to turn around. It's never too late. If we all start taking a stance now, we may have a chance to do something, change something. The question is: Are you willing to take that chance?

This boy did. Even if the video is fake, it still makes the same point: Bullying is not a simple thing. He made an impact regarding the issue of bullying that many would not dare to try. There were both positive and negative responses but that is not the point. He did something no one else tried to do. He touched the heart of many people, angered many others. The video has gone viral. He led the way to change the world. And I am going to join him. Are you with me?

Push Back

Remember when we learned that "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"? Gandhi said that. And I totally agree. If everyone could all just take a step back and not get into clashes, it would most definitely be wonderful.

But sometimes, it just doesn't work like that. Sometimes, they are the people who push you. And they keep on pushing you.

"Sometimes, life throws curveballs. But then, determination steps in and says, 'Let's play ball.'"

This little bit of advice? No matter how someone irks you beyond belief, never let them know that they go the best of you. THAT is the satisfaction they get when they push you (I know, because I have a younger sister who does JUST that...but I am a [censored word] so I push right back).

Don't let their actions affect you. It takes away all satisfaction they get from making you flip when you DON'T do as they predicted. Then, they just look stupid.

Cheers and have a wonderful day in this lovely October weather.

Story

Everyone has a story. In fact, life itself is one. YOU are the author. However you want your story to go, write it. Weave it the way you want it to look. One setback; does not matter. Do not let the one thing push you back. Even if it's not one thing, even if it's failure after failure, disappointment after disappointment, don't give up.

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go."

It's not the bottle half empty. It's the bottle half filled. Or cup. Whatever. It's your story. How do you want the ending to be like? What is the outcome?

All of it is in your hands. You are writing it. There is no one that can change your story for you. Unless you want them too. Even so, you are still in control. You're the main writer. You make all the calls. You tell them what YOU want them to do.

Even if you hit the bottom and you can't climb back up, think of it this way: When you are at your lowest, there is no where for you to go but up. No matter how long the journey or fight is, you will eventually go back up there. If you fight for it. If you sit and sulk and give up, your story will be left unwritten.

The saddest stories are not the ones with sad endings. It is the ones that never got finished. The ones that were given up half way.

Complete your story. Write it. Make it up. If reality is not the way you want it to be, change it. You are in control.

Little things turn into big things. Take everything one step at a time. Take all the blows one at a time. In fact, return them.

"If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them....but just make sure the flower is still in the pot."

Life is truly a story. And guess what? It is all yours. Now all you have to do is go write it.

Changing the World,...one statement at a time

I've come across a new mission. Lately, I've been playing this game: Restaurant Story (the app, not the facebook game). I know what you're thinking: No, this is not an advertisement or anything. They have neighbors stuff and all that thing on it and one day I was messaged with a quote (instead of the normal "tyb, thanks" or "3x tips").

"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle."

It was just so simple. Nothing else was said. All there was, was just that one simple quote. As I perused more restaurants, I've discovered a lot of other owners leaving behind encouraging or merely inspiring quotes.

Mundane Things that Satisfy Me

Everyone has that little thing that makes them go "OMG I am so happy!" ...or something like that. I have one too. ...okay fine. Maybe more than one, but it's still doesn't matter.

What matters is the one I am talking about now. In the 21st century, internet and computers rule our lives. Technology, in general, is the essence of humans. Of course, no other species have invented computers or other technological (sometimes not useful at all, but fun to have) devices. And as I continue rambling off about nothing, the mere waste of time and space I am using will irk you.

Fast forward to key point: Youtube. The Library of Congress for music. Videos. Other humorous things that occupy our time when we have so much other things we need to do. Congrats to the dude(s) who invented it. Time is of the essence. NOT anymore. Now we waste time on the internet doing nothing and simply enjoy doing nothing.

Right. Back to Youtube: mainly a youtube video in which I dearly commented on, trying to be humorous...but a little Freudian slip came out. Oops. Nevertheless, this clearly made my day.

Check it out: Top Comment


Is that not amazing? :D That is f(x)'s Nu ABO music video. If you want, go check it out and you would DEFINITELY agree with me. :)

Nine Eleven, Ten Years Later

Songs:
I Believe by Blessid Union of Souls
Where is the Love by Black Eyed "Peace"
When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down

10 years ago, on this day, something happened in America that changed lives forever. I was only in first grade then, but I remember the horror my parents felt when they saw what was on the news. I lived as far from NY as I possibly could, but still my parents were determined that I stay home the next day. If a mere child on the West Coast was kept indoors due to something that happened on the East Coast, what do the people in the East Coast feel like?

9-11. A day that marked the beginning of two major wars, a torrent of anger and fury unleashed. From that day on, America lived cautiously, the security went up, our defense spending skyrocketed. Security checks became more frequent. Paranoia was present. Fear was here.

Fast-forward 10 years and here we are in 2011. A new "beginning" in a way. Osama bin Laden was dead. Obama is our new president. Bush is gone. Yet every year, the horror of this attack still lingers. Nearing the date of September 11, people start being more cautious. Tense. Prepared for the worst to happen.

"The past cannot be changed for it has already occurred. The best we can do is look into the future and learn from our past. Live life to the fullest as you do not know what may happen tomorrow." Remember 9/11.

Senior Year..begins

Finally. 3 years of high school. A total of 540 days of school. Then: first day of SENIOR YEAR!

Honestly, I was so excited I was singing in the halls. Literally, skipping, jumping, screaming, and singing, "I'm a senior! Oh my gosh, we are seniors!" Yes, I'm so cool.

Needless to say, my friends think I'm totally crazy and the rest of the LOWERCLASSMEN think I'm a freak. Oh good, then I don't have to explain my actions to the rest of the human population. :)

But first day of school: So weird. I honestly have just two hard classes: stat and gov/econ. Everything else is pretty chill. Well, English but I like my teacher. I've had him before, so it's all cool.

Spent the last day of summer chillin' in the park with my best friends. We reenacted Romeo and Juliet (my teacher would be so proud of us) and planned how to start off our year with a BANG! or rather, a scream. ;) Movie's coming out Friday. Ready for some fun?

To all seniors: IT'S PARTY TIME!

New Game

At rehearsal today, I learned a new game. It's one of those games you play during parties or something, kind of like truth or dare.

The game? It's called 10 Fingers, or "Never Have I Ever". Most of you probably has played it. I have heard of it, never played it. And like all teenage games, it gets sexual.

But it's a great game to learn more about someone, an "icebreaker" sort of game.

How to play: Everyone has 10 fingers. (I sure hope this is true! ;D) Someone starts off saying, "Never have I ever...." and they can say something they've never done, like: "Jumped off a car roof". If someone has done that, they will put one finger down. The game continues with everyone taking turns until the game ends with the winner with the most fingers still up (or you can end early, if it gets boring, and restart). It's easy, fun, and quite the shocker, especially when some people reveal what they've always kept quiet about.

Be sure to have fun with it and come up with new ideas and twists!